We don’t talk anymore


When you’re waiting for a bus, do you talk to other people? When you’re walking your dog, do you say hello to those you meet? If a person has ear buds in, does that affect your choice: To speak or not to speak?

The BlackBerry, iPods, and other electronic devices have changed the way we interact with each other.

Today’s post is written by Susan Murphy, who blogs at http://www.suzemuse.com/.  Susan describes herself as a social media “geek” who helps people find their place in the cyberworld through Jester Creative Inc. She’s also an instructor in video production, web media, and digital communication at Algonquin College.

Susan urges us to step away from the device and connect with people in a real way.

We don’t talk anymore

© 2010 Susan Murphy

Last week was a quiet class for me. My students were out doing video shoots for their latest assignment, so there were just a few people hanging around, working on editing and so on. One of my students approached and sat down to ask a few questions. Nothing out of the ordinary. A few minutes later, he struck up an interesting conversation.

He said, “Nobody talks here.”

I asked what he meant. He explained that, since moving to Canada, he’s noticed that people don’t talk to each other. Standing at bus stops, waiting in line, it’s just a bunch of people, not talking. They might be fidgeting with their mobile device, plugged into their ear buds, or staring off into space, deep in their own thoughts, but they are not in any way connected to the people and things around them.

He’s absolutely right.

I had noticed this before, especially since I’ve been a city dweller. Growing up in small towns, if you didn’t talk to everyone around you there was a problem. But in the city, it’s different. I’m as guilty of it as anyone. We don’t talk. We won’t talk. Hide and Seek. We won’t talk to the people right in front of our eyes. Therefore, does it strike you as a bit strange that we are so willing to extend our hand in the online world and talk to just about anyone?

There are some weird social disconnects at play here.

If you’re the guy who wants to strike up a conversation with everyone at the bus stop, people often see that as odd behaviour. But if you’re the gal who wants to chat with everyone on Facebook, then you’re a social butterfly. We stand in line at the grocery store, afraid to talk to the stranger behind us. We bury ourselves in our iPhones instead, talking up a storm with 5000 of our closest “friends” on Twitter.

Step away from the device.

We rave on and on about how social media has done so much to bring us together. It’s a worldwide conversation! It’s changed the way we communicate!  Social media have merely given us tools to hide behind. For some people, especially the shy ones, social media does make it easier to extend their hand and say hello. But, imagine, if we just took the time to look up from our Blackberry once in a while and say hello to the person standing next to us. Imagine how we might be brought together then.

Here is my challenge to you.

At least once this week, as you go about your day, take the time to strike up a conversation with a stranger, in person. It doesn’t have to be long. It just has to be real. Don’t worry if people think you’re weird. I learned from my student that, in other cultures, you’re weird if you don’t talk to people! The philosophy is, we’re all here, in this moment, sharing whatever experience, good or bad. We might as well say hi, right? There’s a lot of wisdom in those words. So stop. Put down your mobile device. Look around you. Smile. Say hello to whoever is there. You just never know what might happen.


5 thoughts on “We don’t talk anymore

  1. Chris

    Susan Murphy is right on! I always make a point of having a conversation with the next person in line at the grocery store, and that usually works well. Occasionally, its like you have three eyes. I’ve also started to take the bus down town. When I look around there for someone to speak with, seems like the whole world is immersed in texting or have blocked out the audible world with ear buds. Like the lady says people, lets talk to each other. Just smile and say ‘Hi’.

    1. Arlene Post author

      When I’m walking my dog, I often find myself saying hello to people, only to discover that they have ear buds in and can’t hear me. Once, when I was waiting for an elevator, I had a conversation with a woman who I thought was talking to me, but who was actually talking to someone else on her bluetooth.
      I’m one of those small town people who would NEVER have walked down the street without speaking to others. Sometimes I wish our big cities could reclaim just a little of that small town feel.

  2. Susan Murphy

    I wonder if it is a small town thing? I too, grew up in small towns and once I got to the “big” city of Ottawa, I was shocked to discover that people would walk by one another and not say hello.

    Let’s bring back the chat, I say! Thanks for sharing my post on your site!

  3. nonononooonoo

    its just plain disgusting; if you were deaf and dumb but you are not so why does everyone waste what they have?


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